{"id":968,"date":"2020-10-20T20:00:27","date_gmt":"2020-10-20T18:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/?p=968"},"modified":"2023-01-31T14:33:17","modified_gmt":"2023-01-31T13:33:17","slug":"nie-narzekaj-cz-iv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/en\/nie-narzekaj-cz-iv\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop complaining...part IV"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"968\" class=\"elementor elementor-968\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-c25062a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"c25062a\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-435f092\" data-id=\"435f092\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-84ffd40 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"84ffd40\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">...Be assertive<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-a7675cc elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"a7675cc\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-04e3244\" data-id=\"04e3244\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-77e541a elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"77e541a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1152\" src=\"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-768x1152.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium_large size-medium_large wp-image-970\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-1366x2048.jpg 1366w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192-8x12.jpg 8w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/asertywnosc-scaled-e1608574696192.jpg 1707w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4ce9c75 elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"4ce9c75\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<iframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" allow=\"autoplay\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/947441470&color=%231cbd53&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true\"><\/iframe><div style=\"font-size: 10px; color: #cccccc;line-break: anywhere;word-break: normal;overflow: hidden;white-space: nowrap;text-overflow: ellipsis; font-family: Interstate,Lucida Grande,Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Sans,Garuda,Verdana,Tahoma,sans-serif;font-weight: 100;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/pawel-dulski-233028424\" title=\"PDulski.com\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;\">PDulski.com<\/a> \u00b7 <a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/pawel-dulski-233028424\/pft10-stop-complaining-be-assertive\" title=\"PFT#10 Stop Complaining! Be Assertive\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;\">PFT#10 Stop Complaining! Be Assertive<\/a><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b25f4d4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-wp-widget-media_audio\" data-id=\"b25f4d4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"wp-widget-media_audio.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<style>.elementor-element-b25f4d4{display:none !important}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-7199c22 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"7199c22\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-95cd8fd\" data-id=\"95cd8fd\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ec538c1 elementor-drop-cap-yes elementor-drop-cap-view-default elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"ec538c1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;drop_cap&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>I am sure you remember Mike. During one of our meetings I talked with him about beating the routine. However, Mike has some other problems that he must face in his daily life. <br \/>\u201cI know you told me that I should do something for myself, but I just can\u2019t. That\u2019s impossible,\u201d Mike said with bitterness. <br \/>I hear this a million times: \u201cMy life is different; I just can\u2019t; that\u2019s impossible.\u201d Everyone wants to be different or special. Sadly, this case isn\u2019t something special \u2014 it becomes more common day by day. <br \/>\u201cWhy is that impossible in your case? Why is it others can do it, but you can\u2019t?\u201d I asked Mike.<br \/>\u201cI\u2026 uh, you don\u2019t understand. I have many responsibilities, and people, my friends, they\u2019re always asking me for favors.\u201d <br \/>\u201cAnd you always have to agree to help them?\u201d<br \/>\u201cOf course, I must help them. They are my friends; they count on me. What if I needed their help, who\u2019d help me?\u201d<br \/>Well, there\u2019s the stream of wrong thoughts. Not the wrong thoughts I mean, but wrongly understood. Life often shows that the people who \u201creally\u201d needed our help, in fact took advantage of us, and when we need their help, they have no qualms to say: \u201cNo\u201d.<br \/>Let\u2019s start again: \u201cI MUST help them.\u201d<br \/>\u201cWhy MUST you help them?\u201d I asked.<br \/>\u201cThey\u2019re my good friends. If they\u2019re in need, I feel obligated. If I don\u2019t help them, they won\u2019t help me either,\u201d Mike tried to explain.<br \/>\u201cYou said, that if you won\u2019t help them, they won\u2019t help you either,\u201d I caught his thought.<br \/>\u201cExactly.\u201d<br \/>\u201cAre they your real friends then? Shouldn\u2019t a real friend be selfless? Think, what are the grounds of your friendships?\u201d<br \/>\u201cDo you mean that I shouldn\u2019t help my friends?\u201d he asked upset.<br \/>\u201cNo, I don\u2019t mean it at all. We talk about your assumptions which you found in your head and about your motives.\u201d <br \/>\u201cIs it wrong that I help?\u201d Mike was a bit disgusted.<br \/>\u201cNo, but ask yourself why do you help them? Do you really want to help, or do you just hope that you\u2019ll need their help in the future? A friendship is something deep. It\u2019s not a result of calculation. In a real friendship you don\u2019t worry about saying no, because your friend should understand that you had a serious reason to deny. Friendship allows for the word: \u2018No\u2019.\u201d <br \/>\u201cWhat if they get offended?\u201d Mike inquired.<br \/>\u201cThen think if you really want such a friendship. Isn\u2019t it just a one-way friendship, a result of one\u2019s benefit. People can be terrible. They can cling as a leech to your skin. They can suck out all the good that you have inside, leaving you with bitterness and disappointment. You must learn to defend yourself.\u201d<br \/>\u201cBut how?\u201d<br \/>\u201cYou need to be assertive. For some it comes easily, but the majority have to practice. The assertive one knows how to say no.\u201d <br \/>\u201cBut when I refuse to help, I\u2019m filled with remorse.\u201d<br \/>\u201cYes, because you\u2019re not assertive. The assertive one knows how to say no without remorse.\u201d <br \/>\u201cThat means he\u2019s selfish.\u201d <br \/>\u201cNo, you can\u2019t confuse an assertive person with a selfish one. Assertiveness is a value. It doesn\u2019t come from reluctance to help, egotism, or laziness. It comes from a right way of judging the situation, and from knowing one\u2019s own limitations \u2014 that is modesty. The truth is that when someone asks you for a favor, and you agree without a thought, then you are doing somebody\u2019s dirty work. You\u2019re not the last person in the world. Most likely, if you won\u2019t, then someone else would help. Furthermore, many matters are not as urgent as people describe them. In fact, by saying no, you can help your friend become more creative. Secondly, an assertive person refuses to help, having a real reason, and thirdly, he wants to help as much as the situation allows him.\u201d <br \/>\u201cSo what should I do?\u201d<br \/>\u201cYou can apply a certain pattern for that situation. First you have to think: \u2018Can I really help? If not, why?\u2019 What are some good reasons? Spending time with your family is one. Having enough rest is also important. Think about someone who can help instead of you, or how to solve the situation otherwise. This is how you show that you really care, but you can\u2019t help personally in this situation. And what\u2019s more important, don\u2019t beat about the bush. It\u2019s easier to tell the truth briefly and directly. After some time ask the person how did he cope with his situation. It will show him that you really wanted to help, but you just couldn\u2019t. Let\u2019s suppose that a friend asked you favor to help him move to another house, but you can\u2019t. You\u2019d like to, but you have other urgent plans. You may say: <br \/>\u201c\u2018Henry, I\u2019d love to help you, but I can\u2019t this Saturday. I have planned an important appointment, and I just can\u2019t put it off. But you can call Philip, he has some days off and may be able to help you. I will check on some people too, and see if they can help. I\u2019ll call you back and report what we\u2019ve got.\u2019 <br \/>\u201cYou see, simple and direct message. Your listener heard the worst part and knows what to expect. On the other hand, you don\u2019t leave him alone, you still try to help him. That\u2019s how you avoid remorse.\u201d <br \/>\u201cOK, I understand it a bit better now. It always make me think about egotism, but now you showed me the difference. It doesn\u2019t mean to be clever or cunning, but to be honest.\u201d <br \/>\u201cYes, exactly!\u201d <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-53a3dff elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"53a3dff\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-38242c8\" data-id=\"38242c8\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bbf877a elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"bbf877a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<style>.elementor-element-bbf877a{display:none !important}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1a7abf0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"1a7abf0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"793\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-793x1024.jpg\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-image-977\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-793x1024.jpg 793w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-232x300.jpg 232w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-768x992.jpg 768w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-1189x1536.jpg 1189w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-1586x2048.jpg 1586w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template-9x12.jpg 9w, https:\/\/pdulski.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/assertiveness-template.jpg 1668w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 793px) 100vw, 793px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p class=\"translation-block\"><b>...Be assertive.<\/b> I am sure you remember Mike. During one of our meetings, I talked with him about beating the routine. However, Mike has some other problems that he must face in his daily life[...].<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":970,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[34,23,22],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Nie narzekaj...cz. IV - Teoria L\u0119ku Pierwotnego<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/pdulski.com\/en\/nie-narzekaj-cz-iv\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nie narzekaj...cz. IV - Teoria L\u0119ku Pierwotnego\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u2026B\u0105d\u017a asertywny. Pewnie kojarzycie Mike\u2019a. Na jednym z naszych spotka\u0144 rozmawia\u0142em z nim o tym, jak pokona\u0107 rutyn\u0119. Mike ma te\u017c jednak inne problemy, z kt\u00f3rymi ka\u017cdy z nas musi si\u0119 mierzy\u0107. \u2014 Wiem, \u017ce m\u00f3wi\u0142e\u015b mi, \u017cebym zrobi\u0142 w ko\u0144cu co\u015b dla siebie, ale ja po prostu nie mog\u0119. 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