MEDITATION ON...

Paul Dulski
19/02/21 18:48:52

EVANESCENCE

I guess I got over it. It wasn’t easy at all. Memories still appear in my mind. Some make me cry, some make me laugh. It won’t be hard to disappear. Thinking of the death isn’t the worst, but leaving everything behind… that’s another story.

At the beginning it was tough. My head was bombarded by a series of questions: Why now, when everything was getting better; when I had begun to understand and to accept myself; when I had learned how to admire the world? I was hungry for the world, places, events, and new friends.

Apathy

My eyes are strange. So dull, without light. My skin too: swollen and pale. I preferred my face with hair, and these lips: blue, parched, chapped. Anyway… I learn to accept myself the way I am now. The saddest is that I am so weak. Ah, I would do so many things if I only had the strength!
First came despair. Apathy, looking at the ceiling, tears. Then anger. I was so angry at myself that I was a coward, scared of dreaming. I was complaining too much about my life, about the world. I wanted to die, thinking that everything is so bad. And this paradox: I die, but I want to live. I didn’t know. That’s interesting… but the will to live is born in pain.

I finally got used to it. To dying. Got used to a thought that there will be a time to say goodbye. That will be just a moment, and then nothingness. Nothingness can’t hurt you. You’re not conscious.

Source of the problem

We are afraid of dying because we live in a myth. Yes, someone told us to believe in the myth of immortality. That’s another thing which began thousands of years ago in Eden. God instilled in us the will to live forever. And a man could and had to live forever. However God never promised that we will never die. He foretold the punishment for disobedience would be death, and the man understood what death was. He could see how animals were dying, he knew what passing, decay, and disappearance mean. But death was not a threat for him yet. His obedience to God meant his safety. But the serpent was cunning; he used man’s will to possess. He offered him immortality. That was just a bluff obviously. The serpent couldn’t give a man something he didn’t have himself. Sadly, Adam caught this bait and was forced to come to terms with passing time and evanescence. Since then, manhood has been overwhelmed by fear of something inevitable - death.

The myth of immortality - where does it come from?

The myth of immortality is instilled so deep in us, Europeans. We tend to think that we can escape death’s claws. People promote various diets, lifestyles that will allegedly lead us to longevity. We are so surprised when someone dies in his seventies or eighties. We say: “How was that possible? He was a young guy yet.” Death is a tragedy, a reason for grief and despair. It causes a lot of stress and fear, we can’t accept it. That’s why we are eager to use all these elixirs of youth, wonderful creams, liquids, pills, plastic surgeries. Just as though we want to cheat death. However the truth is we are getting older day by day. And in fact, old age may be beautiful, full of experience, and wisdom. We need to know how to get old with grace, with your head held high.

Being aware that I can die in the most unexpected moment of my life, motivates me to enjoy the rest of it with a smile on my face.

Indeed, death is the opposite of life. It’s human worst enemy. But it is also an inevitable part of our being today. It has been our companion throughout thousands of years. If we make ourselves believe that it will never reach us, we are wrong. How much better it is to accept the fact that death can knock on our door in the most unexpected time of our life, even today. If we do that, we are free from fear. That’s what helped me. When you tame death, you appreciate everything, even the smallest moments of your life. It lives in your mind as a beautiful and amazing memory. You live in peace with others and you avoid conflicts because there’s no time for these. It gives you a clean conscience and you go to bed with a smile on your face. People, who accepted the fact that they will die, know how to enjoy their lives. They make good use of the time left. This acceptance brings another benefit: you make right decisions in order to secure and prepare your family and friends both mentally and physically.

And when it finally happens, don’t cry. Try to live your life in a way to never regret it. Enjoy the wonderful time that you experienced. Remember all that’s nice: landscapes, the warm sun, smiles, the sound of the sea, fun. Remember the best version of myself. When I had hair, firm and tanned skin, a red mouth, a twinkle in the eye, and a bright face. We were sitting there, so high in the fjord, watching a fabulous sunset. We were calm and happy… and we will be again…

PS To everyone suffering cancer: You are strong!

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Attitude nowotwór rak

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  • Monia

    Skąd taki temat ?

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