Eve's wound [III]

When the first couple disobeyed, God foretold Eve that she will lust after her husband. It really happened, and it reflected on their descendants and family relations. As I wrote before, a father can be a cause of girl’s emotional disorder, but more often a mother can become the reason.
It’s quite common that boys are close with their mothers, and girls are “daddy’s”. It’s totally natural. Problems come when a woman was not emotionally prepared to become a mother, and she views her daughter as a rival. She deliberately pushes her away from due paternal love, just as though he has not enough affection for both of them.
A real tragedy begins when a man was not emotionally prepared to become a parent either, and he can’t handle the situation properly. The whole family suffers and experiences crisis. He is torn between his feelings to the daughter and his wife. The littlest one is defenseless, and the bigger one growls, showing her discontentment — she checks whether she’s still the most important person in the relationship. On the other hand, the baby doesn’t understand the situation yet, but it still affects her. Simply put, it will become visible later. Warmth, touch, and peace in the early period of child’s growing up are the key to the right progress — both emotional and intellectual.
As the child grows up, the problems accumulate. The father is weak, he should clearly mark the boundaries between husband-wife and father-daughter relations. Fatherhood obliges him to learn how to assure his wife of his affection while at the same time not rejecting his daughter. But he’s a coward — in order to maintain a good atmosphere with his wife and live in peace, he set his daughter aside. His conscience comes into play, he knows that it’s not right, so he bestows gifts on his little daughter. She has everything she wants. She is materially satisfied, even spoiled. She seems happy, but this happiness is just superficial and it disappears during adolescence. Now emotions are manifested. The little girl does not enjoy these gifts anymore. Hormone surges affect her emotions. As a result, the young girl needs different stimulus. She wants to talk, to be noticed, to be confirmed as a woman, that she’s attractive and may be appealing to boys.
She realizes that in these family relations something is wrong. She demands more, begins to fight for the feelings. She wants her daddy to assure her that she’s important and loved. That’s how the drama evolved. The mother, who is not mature, goes crazy like a lioness, showing who’s the most important in this house. Throwing insults and denying her daughter she destroys her thin and subtle emotional structure. The girl tries to take refuge in her father, but he, for the sake of peace, chooses his wife. This is where the girl’s emotional progress stops. In a normal situation, if she had loving mum and dad, she would receive assurance that she’s attractive and loved. Consequently, this would add to her self-confidence and would allow her to convey these emotions to others.
Sadly, this never happens. The little girl, curled up, begging for love now lives in the body of a young woman. From time to time she tries again, but it always ends the same — house war. She let it go, but those feelings remain inside. Therefore, she comes up with a plan. It’s just a perfect plan for her. Escape! Oh, yes! If only she could run away from this terrible house, her life would change dramatically, would be so wonderful. She would find someone that would love her and everything would be alright. Everyone would be happy; the mother would have her husband on her own, and she would gain affection. But that’s just a childish way of thinking — it will never solve real problems. Anyway she can’t wait to reach the first phase of the plan — coming of age. Now she can talk back and do whatever she wants, because she decides for herself. Nobody can tell her what to do. The second stage is finishing of school. The last school bell, bag to the wardrobe, and packing. She leaves her house as soon and as far as possible. She wants to end her nightmare and forget. Euphoria! Now anything she does seems so awesome. This freedom! Now all she needs is someone to love her. But look! Here comes a knight! Yes, he is the one, this amazing, savior! She waited for him all those years as a princess locked in the tower. He grants her some basic compliments and she melts away. She doesn’t need much. She has been in need of love for years, just as a drought well needs water. He’s enchanted with her independence, joy, and self-reliance. But that’s all just a false image. She goes deeper with her feelings carried by his flattering speech. They get married and I would love to say they lived happily ever after, but this is not a fairy tale. Life can be brutal. Vicious circle comes around. Jealousy, rivalry, and the will to have exclusive affection comes into play. And what is often left is the sad music in the background and a big teardrop flowing down the cheek. Breakup is painful.
Do you pursue love too? If yes, today you could find one of the reasons why you do this. Analyze your situation, but not to blame someone. You need to find the cause of your problem. Diagnosis is important. If we know the source of the problem then it is easier to work it out. Now you know that the first thing you should do is to release a little girl living inside and let her grow up. Allow her to become independent, mature, reconciled, and loving yourself. Don’t rush, it may take much time. Don’t act in euphoria or impulse. Work on yourself, and when the lust for love disappears, it will become a sign that you’re ready to forward this affection to others, and what’s more important, to accept it.