The Pansy's cry
I might be boring, but I have to say it again: We must cure ourselves of stereotypes. One of them says: ‘Boys don’t cry.’ The majority believes that a real man should be a tough guy with a big macho chest and visible biceps. Boys are told that they can’t cry, they must be strong, and weeping is reserved only for girls. As a result, crying is directly connected with weakness in our minds.
And we bought it! When we see a crying man, we probably think: What a lame! How would he handle his life? That’s why we want to examine this subject, because we want to be more than your average ignorant.
When I think about a model of masculinity, usually the Lord Jesus comes to my mind. I know, I know what you’ll say: ‘Jesus is more a model of a martyr, and I’m not keen on becoming that type of man.’ And honestly, you don’t surprise me because that’s another stereotype created by religion, artists, and movie makers. They present him with a skinny body, long hair, elongated face, wearing old shabby kit. However, that’s not the real image of Jesus, and it’s completely opposite to the reality. Since his childhood he was learning carpentry, thus he must have worked hard physically. Consequently he wasn’t fragile or skinny, but strong and well-built. Surely he was well clothed. He owned a very expensive, seamless robe which became an object of desire of Roman soldiers who, by the way, were well paid obviously. Anyway, above all he became for us — the men — a model of masculinity and courage in action. Therefore, I will often use his example in our discussions.
Did Jesus cry? Of course, and not just once. But one particular account comes from a time, when he stands in front of the tomb of his friend — Lazarus. People wailing all around him, weeping women lamenting, but he’s moved by something else. He notices Lazarus’ sisters who are devastated and beg Jesus for help. He knows that he’s going to perform a miracle right now, but this entire situation moves him to shed some tears. He doesn’t hide his emotions, he’s not scared about others’ opinion, he’s honest, natural, and bold. Was he a pansy? Of course not! We have a lot of evidence for that.
Crying doesn’t mean weakness, far from it! Why can we say so? Just as a tear can cleanse the eye, in like manner crying is a defense, protection, and cleaning for our body. It helps us maintain our mental balance, to get rid of unwanted feelings, and to control our nervous system. That’s why often after crying we instantly feel better, calm, and we get back in shape.
We strove so much to raise boys to be men, that we did something completely the opposite. Perhaps boys, and future men, don’t shed a tear, but whom do they become? We live in a world filled with pansy men, not able to take responsibility for their decisions, holding tight to their mothers, subjected to the women, not able to handle their lives, lost, with no goals. And who’s to blame? We raise our boys on “princes”. In consequence they become egoistic, selfish, and calculated.
The cry of a real man shouldn’t be mistaken with the weeping of a panicky pansy, who messed his light pants and his world has collapsed. A real man cries because he has a serious problem, because something important happened, because he has to take up the challenge and face the demons of his past. The cry of such a man tells us that he’s not an egoist, that he cares, and he wants to fight.
A real man might get hurt, might stumble, break down, and even fall. In such states he can shed a tear because he realized that he’d lost a battle, but then he wipes the tears, dusts himself off, and stands, because he knows that the whole war is at stake. This is real strength.
Selfish men, “princes”, don’t cry because they don’t care about anything with the exception of themselves. But when they do cry, it’s just a result of their constantly feeling sorry about their lives. On the other hand, when a real man cries, he does that because he cares and understands that he must prepare to battle — he gathers energy.
A real man understands that leaving his woman whenever hardship comes is a good solution only for “princes”, expecting easy choices. But a real man fights; he knows that chivalry calls for struggle and sacrifice. He’s aware that by facing problems he’s creating his real masculinity and character.