Adam's Hardships[IV]

Some may ask: “Are you already a man? Do you really know what you’re writing about?” Well, the answer is not clear, so: “Yes, and no.” Our life is neither black’n’white nor binary. It contains a multitude of shades. There’s no man in the world that we can call a 100% man. The only was the Lord Jesus, but he was perfect. Our life is a different story. Each one of us has a Peter Pan inside, each one of us has to struggle with the boy hiding inside us. Therefore, we can be manlike in some fields, but in others we are still like boys. This is what I want to emphasize — still. This is what a mature man should do — define in which fields he’s a boy still, and which road leading to manhood he has to choose. If we have made significant advancement, then it is easier for us to make further progress with any lingering immature qualities. On the other hand, it is much harder to start this journey from the beginning when we are still boylike in most aspects our life yet. But how would we know this? If you are a boy, you don’t understand what I’m writing about, and it all seems to you as stupid, needless — even childish. But it’s totally not! On the contrary, a man would raise this subject, would want to find out more, and begin the journey inside himself to see what’s there. He’s not afraid of it. Maturity is ready for suffering, and the things we would see inside may not be pleasant. They may even become overwhelming. When one realizes the fact that he’s childish, or cowardly, or that he failed through all these years, he can really get depressed. And again, if you’re a man, you won’t go to pieces, but you will fight! How to look closely inside yourself? The first step is to ask questions and to answer them honestly. The second is to watch yourself attentively in different aspects of life, in your reactions, and to analyze them. Why did I do that this way, not the other? Why did I react like that? Begin with some simple matters. Am I self-dependent, for example: Can I use the washing machine? Can I make something good to eat? Can I control my budget? It’s level zero, but it’s crucial, because independence carries responsibility, and responsibility matters in various aspects of life such as interpersonal contacts, work, or relationships. Let’s go a level further — to the level of emotions. What kind of person am I regarding interpersonal contacts: Can I admit my mistakes? Can I say ‘I’m sorry’, ‘please’, ‘thank you’? Can I say: ‘No!’? Can I share my opinion though opposite to the mainstream? Note that to some these questions may be a little bit strange, but aren’t they the ones that we often fail at? We behave like children, saying: “It’s all his fault, not mine!” We treat things as though we are entitled to them, or we keep quiet letting others mistreat us. Then we come back home and take it out on our family. A man recognizes these aspects, understands his emotions, learns how to control them, how to defuse tension, and to solve conflicts. Let’s go further, what about a marital relationship and fatherhood? They require more maturity. Sincerity and courage are necessary, the things I wrote about in the first article — being nude in a relationship. The truth hurts, but gives understanding. How many of us went into our shells out of fear of being a boy, staying silent. We’re so brave amid our workmates — macho — people admire us. But that’s just the image of ourselves. We can compare this to a hologram — visible, but not real. Cocky with our friends, but in the house? Not present, speechless. A boy hides when the danger comes. That’s how many of us do, we escape, we take a step back. Some leave their marriage. They sacrifice their life to work, treating their house like a hotel. Others sacrifice to a hobby, they become unreachable. They’re not able to face their duty of being a husband. They’re so afraid of failure that they do nothing, thus they are failing. And sometimes there’s only one thing needed — honesty. Instead of running away, stand in front of your mate and expose your weaknesses. Tell her what you’re afraid of. How much better it is! But it requires a lot of maturity. How much easier it is to pack your bag and say: “Goodbye!” However, this will never solve the situation. Another “Goodbye!” will come soon, and another, because the problem lies within us. Yes, in ourselves, because we didn’t succeed in learning how to solve problems. What about the fatherhood? I won’t spend much of your time now. A boy is jealous. He treats his son as a rival. He fights for the affection of his wife. On the other hand, a man has no inch of jealousy, but he’s proud of his son. He recognizes the role he has to play in creating the character of a young man. He understands that he’s not a mere life-giver, but also a mentor to his children. We defined some of the aspects of our emotional maturity. Thus we begin working on them. Are we left all alone? Of course not! We can rely on our mentor. Who is he? Read the following article!