What is the difference between a man and a boy?
A man falls down to rise up in his own strength. A boy though, falls down and needs someone to help him get up. A man cries, but will show courage eventually. A boy cries, but he’s helpless. A man comes up against problems, on the other hand, a boy turns around and refuses to face the problems. A man acknowledges he’s submitted to God, meanwhile, a boy gets hysterical.
So what are you? A boy or a man?
Yes! It is so easy to confuse this matter because we judge everything superficially nowadays. It is sad, but we became a society of “instant judgment”. We abandoned insight and stopped analyzing. We just want, here and now.
The physical process of becoming a man occurs naturally, with age. However, it is not the same with emotional progress. We discern that the ability to procreate is developed very early, but as for the emotional progress, it is significantly delayed or even leaves a man with a Peter Pan syndrome. Indeed, we judge the things we see, but what is often misleading? Appearance.
That’s why it is far easier for a woman to focus her attention on a well-built, strong man, claiming to be the personification of security and decisiveness. However, life often shows us that muscular strength does not come along with character. It is just a good camouflage, helping them to hide. Time reveals that a woman does not receive what she had expected from her “ideal” marital choice.
A boy, who gets married early, is virtually never ready for a relationship. Marriage becomes a refuge, a protection from the fear of the incompetence of his life. It is his exchange of mommy’s caring hands to the hands of his “new mommy” so-called “wife”, or, what’s worse, to life without a sense of responsibility, in a so-called “open relationship”, which was made to grant us reputed freedom and happiness.
A man, though, is self-sufficient, knows how to live on his own, knows what life is and how to care for himself. Therefore, he’ll be able to care for his wife. Such a man does not look for a babysitter, “a mommy” — he looks for a partner. He is ready for a relationship, sacrifice, and daily problems.
But what if you passed the physical process of becoming a man successfully, but you are still a boy on the emotional level?
Well, the decision is yours, it’s your life, but if you want to build good relationships with others and stay emotionally healthy, you have to go through that process. You must mature emotionally.
Note that God did not give Adam a spouse straight away. Adam lived alone for some time. He was maturing, understanding his needs, reacting to his thoughts, analyzing, and so forth. When the time was due, Adam received Eve. God alone was a teacher for Adam. Adam listened to his directions and could also ask him for advice. However, not everybody has that luck. As I wrote previously, many of us were wronged in our childhood because our fathers didn’t step up, they failed, left us all alone, which caused a huge gap on the road leading to become a man emotionally. It is a transformation into someone who has to lead, protect, care, inspire, and make decisions. Instead we became indecisive, passive, indifferent, withdrawn in our world — a world of gadgets and games. We escape the problems by means of silence, alcohol, and work. It’s easier — no effort needed. This is one of the causes of divorce. No progress, no will to work on one’s self, no will to fight. Are we then doomed to failure, because someone failed us, because someone did not help us, because someone did not bring us through this process? Absolutely not!
That’s why I’m glad You are here and You reached this point in the article — that means You are someone valuable, You have a will to fight, and You want to be a mature man. How do You do so?
1. Define your emotional level!
Find out which fields you have to develop, what you have to work on, which qualities to display, and how to do that.
2. Don’t work alone!
Going alone on such a road may be dangerous. You likely need a mentor — a mature, experienced, and trusted man — who will guide you. He is someone who will show you the way and will help you to get up after a fall.
3. Never give up!
Will it be hard? Yes, without a single doubt. That’s why you must be determined. You must also keep in mind that this is a long process, a road with many curves. It’s a time of falling down and rising up to go further. This is a conscious work, a study of humility and modesty regarding yourself.
In the next stages we will develop each of the points above, to free ourselves from the fear of being a man, saying goodbye to “a boy”.