What of the father?
Her eyes were so seductive. Her expressive lips were covered with red lipstick, and her cheeks powdered with pink. Black straight hair lopped to her waist. Nails painted red, and sexy fishnet stockings adorned her legs. Wearing a short dress she was sitting in front of me, crossed her legs and asked:
“Do you think that I’m attractive to men?” This question was completely honest.
I thought: Attractive? Bit of an understatement. That was her dilemma and it was causing her to pose in a more alluring posture.
“What of you? What do you see looking at the mirror? Are you pretty? What do you think?” I asked.
She tilted her head to the left, blinking, a sign of thinking.
“I don’t really know,” she paused. “Sometimes I feel good in my body, and sometimes I hate it. A voice behind me says that I’m ugly, or at most average.
“Is that the reason for your style?”
“I don’t want to be average” she answered.
“But you want to be respected?”
“Have you ever pondered over that voice coming from behind you, saying that you’re average, not attractive? I think that’s the reason why you try to prove that’s not true.” I pointed out the real problem.
She straightened up changing her pose.
“I don’t know,” she said calmly. “But I really want to understand that.”
I don’t believe that parents and the way we were raised are responsible for all our problems in adulthood. But going back to our past is often helpful.
There’s just one rule. We don’t recall our childhood to feel sorry for ourselves or to blame somebody, because it’s immature. We’re adults; responsible for our life.
We go back in time only for locating the source of our pain in order to deal with the problem. We need healing once and for all. That’s why I asked:
“How were your relations with your father?”
“Well,” she started thinking, “quite poor. We didn’t talk too much. He didn’t show concern for my life, and we didn’t spend time together. He did nothing bad, but nothing good either.”
It’s interesting how important the role a father plays in the world of boys, but it’s much more surprising that in a world of girls too! Sadly, the majority fail totally; fathers just do nothing, neither good, nor bad.
“Do you remember anything particular that happened between you?” I asked.
“I can recall one sentence he’d said.” She frowned. “And you know what? There was nothing special in his words, but it hurt me badly. I feel like it settled in me, though, I don’t know why.”
“Could you describe the circumstances of this situation?”
“I was going to hang out with my friends. A party, I guess. I spent a lot of time preparing, doing my makeup, and so on. I felt like a top model, proud of myself.”
“How old were you?”
“I’m not sure, fifteen or sixteen.”
“And what happened?”
“I was so excited. I ran to my father and asked if he liked my appearance.”
“What did he say?”
“Um, yeah, he said: ‘Well, you won’t become a model.’” Telling it made her sad.
Indeed, a father must know and sense the highlights of his son’s or daughter’s life. Key moments which create their self-esteem and their way of thinking.
If you’re a father, you must learn to discern these special moments in your child’s transformation to an adult. You must ‘certify’ that they reached this stage of their lives. If you don’t do that, you hurt them for long time, and they could be nursing their wound for years.
When Adam saw Eve created from his rib, he started to jump and shout joyfully. He was dazed by her beauty. God blessed them. Eve had the right to feel pretty and loved. She didn’t have to prove anything to anyone.
If you’re a father, show your child that he or she is someone special. Never become indifferent!