He seemed to be a winner. Everything he touched turned into gold. Always in the spotlight, popular. People admired him and were jealous of his status.
However, when I looked at him, away from the spotlight, he looked serious, thoughtful… sad.
He sat in front of me wearing his fancy, checkered suit with a shirt unbuttoned at the neck.
“What are you scared of the most?” I asked.
“The moment when the lights go down” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“Look, people view and judge things they can see. They’d like to have my money, my luxury, and adoration. They see what they want to see. They look at me as a perfect leader, a winner, but they don’t know the truth.”
“What is the truth then?”
“The truth is that I’m afraid of…” he stopped as if he didn’t want to talk about it.
“Afraid of what?” I pushed him.
“Look, I have family, friends, my carrier thrives… What if I lose that all? What if I end up with nothing at the very bottom?”
“So you’re scared of loneliness?”
“I think everyone is.”
“I don’t think so,” I replied firmly.
“How come? You’re not scared of being alone? What would you do?”
Usually we’re afraid of things we don’t know, or things that someone told us from his bad experience. We’re also scared of things that we’ve already encountered, and they turned out to be hard; the things that we couldn’t cope with, and we don’t want to return to a similar situation.
Many are scared of loneliness because they’re not familiar with, or couldn’t handle it.
If you have someone terrific at your side, someone to spend time with, who understands you, and you can confide in… then the prospect of losing such a person seems awful. That’s a normal feeling if you know how to love.
A fear of loneliness is something more, though, it not only shows us the loss of someone or something, but shows us our personal weaknesses as well. That’s why it grows so strong.
“Do you like yourself?” I replied with question.
“I don’t know, I can’t answer that,” he said.
SOLITUDE HELPS US DISCOVER ANEW AND EXAMINE OURSELVES
“When have you been alone lately, without Internet, completely alone?”
“I can’t remember.” He smiled. “I try to avoid that. I feel strange with myself.”
“That’s a mistake, a terrible mistake. Solitude is extremely necessary. It’s needed to progress.”
“Why?” He frowned.
“It’s like an exam. Look, what happens when you’re alone? The silence. You can listen intently to yourself, hear your breath. Your scattered thoughts begin to gather, and there comes the reflection — about yourself, about your life, plans, needs, and desires. Then you can see yourself from a distance. What kind of person are you? Do you like yourself? Do you like spending time alone? Are you bored then or having fun? You see, that’s the time when you can discover yourself; find out who you really are. Are you still attractive? Do you have a passion or a hobby? If there, alone among the silence you feel good with yourself, then you know that others will feel the same. But if you don’t feel good with yourself, and you’re bored being alone, then it’s just a matter of time before others can’t stand to be with you. That’s the sign that you ceased to be an inspiration to them, and you’re just draining their energy. Mind that you don’t become a psychic vampire! There’s a lot of positive sides to being alone. It’s good time for meditation, thinking, talking to God. It’s a good way to understand that we need others, and when we get that, then we appreciate them. When we show appreciation, then we begin to inspire, and when we inspire, then we give. And finally, when we give, then we attract people and become happy.”
“So what should I do?”
“Let yourself be alone. Look what happens, and then it won’t be your fear anymore.”
“But what if I don’t feel good with myself?”
“Then you have to change something as quick as possible! Start looking at yourself, and note what qualities you should work more on. When you become a rich person inside, then you won’t be afraid of loneliness; people will draw closer to you. Then you’ll look for some solitude and time to take care of yourself.”